So you’ve just bought a top-notch card that is perfect for the occasion/recipient, but then you open it, and all you can think of is ‘Happy Birthday, from Jane’ (are people still called Jane?)
Well, you mustn’t worry – just use, re-use, recycle, up-cycle and back-pedal the following templates to keep your friends, family and colleagues believing you are a witty wordsmith.
The Period Drama
Taking cue from all those chaps running round big gardens in tight britches a couple of hundred years ago, all you have to do it be incredibly polite and shove in a few big words (make some up if you don’t know any). Make the sentence as long as you want; just Google a few lines of Dickens and you’ll get the idea.
Dearest Master Smith,
I do hope, with the utmost sincerity, that you do have a singularly exquisite day of celebrationals (there’s our made up word) on this, the most joyous day of the anniversary of your natal episode. What is more, I trust the overwhelming imbibation (another made-up) of punches constituting the finest tipples and tonics this side of Constantinople (historical reference), does not subsequently result in the impulsive, and possibly vulgar, evacuation of one’s gastronomic tract across one’s bedchamber on the morrow.
With kindest regardations to you and your immediate kith,
Oh, and you owe me a tenner